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Writing my first blog felt like mindful foreplay

Updated: Dec 19, 2020

Desire

True story: I thought about blogging for a while now. I was confident in my incredible skills as a writer. I thought to myself that this would be very easy for me.

Ha-ha, I straight up lied to myself.

Five days later, after meeting with the Web Developer/Cyber Security Engineer, I was still twiddling my brain to write my first blog content.

Bingo, I decided to slide into Lecia-Gaye Taylor's DM on Instagram and ask for some guidance. After all, she was an expert writer. I admired her; she is a dope introspective human, a phenomenal mother of an adorable toddler, and the wife of an awesome Husband, Garfield Taylor. Her energy sits well with my soul. Not to mention how proud I am of her; she is an attorney and an award-winning blogger.

Might I add that she is also a fellow Jamaican?

Now that I have gotten that out of the way. I still had to figure out the contents of this blog.

I felt the pressure building up in my chest as I stared at the almost blank page on my computer screen. I heard the voice of my attorney friend telling me not to overthink it and write what was in my heart. I decided to trust the process.

Desire built up

I tapped the keyboard and transcribed the first thoughts that came to mind. I was confident that in the end, I would have something worth publishing.

As I pounded away on my keyboard, I kept repeating one of my favorite mantras, "I am brilliant, bold, and I can only be me.

My desire kicked into overdrive, and this is what ensued from my "scattered thoughts."

I reflected on how much I hated my name as a child. I always told my mommy the moment I could; I would change my name when I say I hated my full government name.

I DID!!!

What was mommy thinking, Marie Tamara Dunn? Kids often teased me that I was "done" yeah, kids made fun of my name. I never really focused on that as a child because I had more important things to worry about, and I knew that I would meet the man of my dreams, have my fairytale wedding, and change at least my surname.

Another joke on me!!!!

I had the wedding(s), but they were far from the fairytale weddings I read about during my childhood/teenage years.

Oh yeah, that's another blog(s) about me getting hitched.

Can I share that the perfect opportunity presented itself, and still, I did not change my name? I think by then, I was over changing my name.

Are you ready for this?

Like I said previously, I had moved past the obsession of changing my name. Somehow, I had a defining moment, my mommy and I got into a heated disagreement about the content for my first book BOLD Her Liberation, and I got into my feelings. It was a summery night in 2019; as I ruminated on the conversation I had with my mommy; I was devastated.

Arousal

Strangely, overwhelmed with excitement. I reflected on my childhood. I was that kid when mommy told me to do something; I did the opposite. At that moment, I made the conscious decision that I would publish my book anyway under a pseudo name. I went with my first instincts; my alter ego, "Toya."

I brainstormed with my girlfriend. May her soul rest in peace. I remember telling her that I needed a last name for Toya.

We decided on J without the "AY."

Climax

Boom Toya J came alive!!!!!!

I had the best of both worlds. I maintained the government name that I settled for, and I created a character; she is such a Rock Star.

Resolution

I decided to stop wishing and start living the reality of being a blogger. Yes, I did it!!!!!!!

I wrote my FIRST Blog the excitement I felt was euphoric.

PS: 1 hour later, I wrote my first blog without Lecia-Gaye's response. The moral of the story have confidence and believe in yourself.



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